Quote found by a lovely friend of mine

In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must I write?
—Rainer Maria Rilke

Life Goal #1: Healthy Outlook

I've had moderate to severe neck pain on a weekly basis for several months and I tried everything: heat and cold, exercise and relaxing, posture adjustments and chiropractic adjustments. I even quit my job because many of my teaching responsibilities (like grading and emailing and worrying about whether I'd get work each semester) hurt my neck. Confusingly and frustratingly enough, not one of these things helped me feel long-term relief.

So I ran away. I went on two-month tour of the entire west with my friend and our two little ones. My neck felt pretty good the whole time and then I get back and "Bang!" neck pain's back full force. So I examined what was holding the stress in place and realized that when I came back to my home, I came back to the same old mindset I had before the trip.

My mind was stuck in checklist Hell. I kept reeling through the things I need to do again and again and again and my shoulders raised with the stress and stayed there and my neck started cramping and everything hurt again.

My neck yelled, "What's the point of living like that?! Doing the things on the list may take minutes or seconds?! But you're--literally--spending your entire day running that stupid 'To Do' list through your head over and over. Stop it! Who's gonna care if you don't sweep the floors or run to the grocery store or take a shower or answer your email?! Why chain yourself to a mental list that's a hamster wheel of hor-ror?!" (Mouthy neck, I know).

So I told my neck, "I don't know. You're right. It's no fun. At all."

And then I whittled my mental checklist down to two daily life items:

1. Enjoy.
2. Relax.

My neck and shoulder problems have literally forced me to realize that I need a healthy outlook for my best life and for that I'm grateful. I wore my iPod to the grocery store the other day and hummed through the store because I only "have" to relax and enjoy. I'm never doing anything else. For the rest of my life.

Life Plans and Business Plans

I just watched P.S. I Love You and the main character says, "It's my business to create." That got me thinking about the type of life I've created so far and, in certain ways, it's a monster.

Let me explain the monstrosity. I've gotten two degrees, including a Masters in English which I earned for the sole purpose of pursuing a career teaching at the college level. I got a 4.0 in my course work. Before that I graduated with honors from the world's top journalism school. Before that I made straight A's that you can follow all the way back to kindergarten. But I cannot seem to make money, gain recognition, or reach any other type of success marker...according to the society I live in. And that wears on me.

So when you do the best and are the best for your whole life and then are told that you don't deserve a job doing what you set out to do, what does that say about the people who run the world?

So here are more of my accomplishments which do not receive as much attention in the American culture. I develop my highest me. I connect with others. I enjoy my family. I love. I pursue life with an adventurer's heart.

Climbing the corporate ladder has not worked for me despite dedicating my life toward scholastic and occupational excellence. Not only that, that type of climbing takes the magic out of every day living.

So I'm calling out to anyone who'd like to join me. We need to be magnificent creators of our own existences. I give up a flawless resume filled with cold, hard facts. I give up the life of a perfectionism and ego. I give up a stressful, unrelenting pace.

I imagine a better life for me and I'm encouraging my readers to create a fresh life vision, too. I'll share mine in the following posts.

A Beautiful Meal

Watching a lot of "The F Word" on BBC America and love Gordon's passion for good, fresh, SIMPLE food. So Sudhagar and I decided to make some for our family. Here we have a Sweet Chili Squid with Bok Choi appetizer and Coconut Salmon with Homemade Mango Salsa. Not only did our family love it, but it got Sudhagar and I creating together in the kitchen. In the words of our wedding song, "L is for the way you look at me. O is your the only one I see. V is very, very extraordinary. E is even more than anyone that I adore. And love is all that I can give to you..." Thanks, Gordon Ramsay, for the inspiration.

Xavier's First Movie

Xavier settled right into the zombie stare and couch potato stance for his first movie, Night at the Museum. We thought he might like it since it has a monkey and other animals that come to life. But we did not expect he would stay captivated in this exact position for the entire length of the film. And he even remembers what happened in the movie because when he saw an Easter Island statue miniature in our neighbor's yard, Xavier said, "Dum! Dum!" like the statue in the movie. Ha! That's my little observer.